Is It a Sin Not to Forgive Someone?

Unforgiveness is a sin, but it is not the unforgivable sin. Jesus treats a refusal to forgive as a serious matter of the heart. He says that if we do not forgive others, our Father will not forgive us (Matthew 6:14-15). That does not mean a single bitter moment costs you your salvation. It means a settled, unrepentant refusal to forgive is sin, and it is dangerous to the soul. The good news is that this sin, like every other, can be confessed and forgiven. If you are asking this question, you are probably not hard-hearted; you are likely wounded and honest. God meets you there.

What does the Bible actually say about not forgiving?

Several passages speak directly. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says:

For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive yours. — Matthew 6:14-15 (BSB)

That is strong language. Jesus is not saying that forgiveness is earned by forgiving. He is saying that a heart which has truly received mercy will show mercy. A person who claims to know God’s forgiveness while nursing a permanent grudge is contradicting the gospel.

Mark 11:25 makes the same point in a different setting:

And when you stand to pray, if you hold anything against another, forgive it, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your trespasses as well. — Mark 11:25 (BSB)

Paul tells believers to put away bitterness and to forgive as God forgave them (Ephesians 4:31-32; Colossians 3:13). So unforgiveness is not a minor personality flaw. It is sin, and Scripture treats it as such.

Is it the unforgivable sin?

No. The unforgivable sin is not unforgiveness. Jesus names it in Matthew 12:31-32: blasphemy against the Holy Spirit. The context is the Pharisees attributing Jesus’ works to Satan. It is a settled, wilful rejection of the Spirit’s testimony to Christ, a hardness that does not want to repent. Some call it the sin unto death (1 John 5:16).

Unforgiveness is different. It is a sin like pride or lust or anger. It can be confessed. 1 John 1:9 promises:

If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. — 1 John 1:9 (BSB)

If you are afraid you have committed the unforgivable sin, that fear itself is evidence your heart is not completely hardened. A person who has truly committed that sin does not want forgiveness.

Does God really refuse to forgive me if I struggle to forgive?

This is the question behind the question. Jesus’ words in Matthew 6 are meant to wake us up, not to make us despair. The parallel passage in Matthew 18 tells a story. A servant is forgiven an enormous debt, then refuses to forgive a tiny one. When the master hears, he is angry. Jesus ends:

That is how My heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart. — Matthew 18:35 (BSB)

The point is not that God is petty. The point is that receiving grace and refusing to give it is a contradiction. Yet the same Bible says God is ready to forgive (Psalm 86:5). If you are struggling, bring the struggle to God. He is not waiting to pounce. He is waiting to help.

What if the person who hurt me has not repented?

Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same thing. You can forgive someone in your heart before they ever say sorry. Jesus forgave His executioners while they were still mocking Him. Stephen did the same. But reconciliation requires repentance. Luke 17:3-4 says:

Watch yourselves. If your brother sins, rebuke him; and if he repents, forgive him. Even if he sins against you seven times in a day, and seven times returns to say, ‘I repent,’ you must forgive him. — Luke 17:3-4 (BSB)

So you can release your bitterness to God without pretending the wrong did not happen. You can forgive and still set wise boundaries. You can forgive and still report abuse to the proper authorities. Forgiveness is giving up your right to revenge; it is not pretending you were not harmed.

How do I begin to forgive when I do not feel like it?

Forgiveness is a decision before it is a feeling. Start by telling God the truth about your pain. He already knows. Ask Him for the strength to release the debt. You may have to do this many times. That is normal. C.S. Lewis reportedly said that forgiveness is a beautiful idea until we have something to forgive.

If the wound is deep, talk with a pastor or a trusted believer. If you have been abused, please speak to a doctor or a licensed counsellor as well. Forgiveness does not mean you must remain in danger or pretend the past did not happen.

If you are in crisis, please reach out now. In the United States and Canada call or text 988. In the United Kingdom and Ireland call Samaritans on 116 123. In Australia call Lifeline on 13 11 14. Anywhere else visit findahelpline.com or call your local emergency number.

What about confession and the church?

Unforgiveness is a sin you can confess directly to God. He promises to forgive. If you are a Roman Catholic, sacramental confession to a priest is part of your church’s practice; this site does not replace that. For Protestants, confession is made to God through Christ, though confessing to a trusted pastor or mature believer can bring great help.

You are not alone in this. Every Christian struggles with forgiveness at some point. The fact that you are asking shows the Spirit is at work. Keep bringing it to God. Keep praying. Keep gathering with a local church where you can hear the Word and receive prayer. God is patient, and He is faithful to complete the work He began in you.

Questions people ask

Is it a sin to not forgive someone who has not said sorry?

Scripture commands us to forgive as God forgave us (Ephesians 4:32). That does not mean you must pretend no wrong occurred or trust the person again. You can release bitterness to God while still waiting for repentance before reconciliation. Forgiveness is a heart decision; reconciliation requires repentance and may take time.

Can I lose my salvation if I struggle to forgive?

No. Salvation is by grace through faith in Christ, not by perfect forgiveness. However, a settled refusal to forgive may indicate a heart that has not truly received grace. If you are struggling, confess it to God. He is faithful to forgive and cleanse (1 John 1:9).

What is the unforgivable sin in the Bible?

The unforgivable sin is blasphemy against the Holy Spirit (Matthew 12:31-32), which is a wilful, settled rejection of the Spirit’s testimony about Christ. It is not unforgiveness or any other sin that a person is willing to confess. If you fear you have committed it, that fear is a sign your heart is not fully hardened.

How do I forgive someone who hurt me deeply?

Start by telling God your pain honestly. Ask Him for the willingness to forgive, and choose to release the debt even when feelings lag behind. You may need to repeat this many times. If the hurt involved abuse, please also speak with a pastor and a licensed counsellor, and take steps to stay safe.