What to say when you don't know how to pray

If you do not know how to pray, you can tell God exactly that: “God, I don’t know how to pray. Help me.” That is a real prayer, and a good one. You do not need a method, a mood or a vocabulary. You need to turn towards God and say something true, however short. When even that is hard, you can borrow words that others have prayed for centuries, write instead of speaking, or sit quietly before him and let the silence be your prayer.

Scripture does not treat this as a failure. It expects that believers will reach the end of their words, and it makes a promise for that moment.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know how we ought to pray, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans too deep for words. — Romans 8:26

Notice who is speaking there. It is not someone new to faith. Paul includes himself: we do not know. Not knowing how to pray is ordinary Christian experience, and God has not left it unanswered.

God is not waiting for the right words

Many people stop before they begin because they imagine prayer has to sound a certain way. Jesus dismantled that idea directly.

And when you pray, do not babble on like pagans, for they think that by their many words they will be heard. Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask Him. — Matthew 6:7-8

God is not persuaded by length or impressed by phrasing. He already knows what you need. Prayer is not the transfer of information to someone who lacks it; it is turning, as a child turns to a father, and asking. A single sentence is enough. So is a groan.

O Lord, my every desire is before You; my groaning is not hidden from You. — Psalm 38:9

That verse comes from a psalm written by someone in physical and spiritual misery, conscious of his own sin. He does not have a tidy prayer. He has groaning, and he trusts that God hears it.

Borrow words that have carried others

When your own words have run out, other people’s can carry you. This is not second-best prayer. The Psalms were given to be prayed, and Jesus himself prayed them. Here are some places to start.

The prayer of the tax collector. Seven words in English, and Jesus said the man who prayed them went home justified.

But the tax collector stood at a distance, unwilling even to lift up his eyes to heaven. Instead, he beat his breast and said, ‘God, have mercy on me, a sinner!’ — Luke 18:13

The Lord’s Prayer. Jesus gave it to his disciples when they asked him how to pray. If you can say nothing else, say this, slowly, one line at a time.

The Jesus Prayer. Christians in the Eastern churches have for many centuries prayed a single sentence drawn from the Gospels: “Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.” It can be said on a breath, repeated through a sleepless night, or held in the mind on a walk.

A psalm of confession. If what you cannot say is about something you have done, Psalm 51 gives you David’s words to use as your own. There is a reading of it here: Psalm 51, line by line.

A prayer for searching. When you do not even know what is wrong, ask God to show you.

Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the way everlasting. — Psalm 139:23-24

Say one true sentence

If you would rather use your own words but cannot find many, aim for one sentence that is true. Not the sentence you think you should say, but the one that is actually there. For example:

• “I am ashamed and I don’t want to talk to you.”
• “I did it again.”
• “I am angry with you.”
• “I don’t feel anything, but I am here.”
• “I need you to help me, because I can’t help myself.”

Each of these is honest, and honesty is the beginning of every real prayer. God can work with a true sentence. He can do very little with a polished one that hides what is underneath.

Pour it out, even if it comes out badly

The Psalms give permission for prayer that is messy, repetitive, angry and sad.

Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is our refuge. Selah — Psalm 62:8

To pour something out is to empty the container without arranging what comes out. You are allowed to say things to God that you would not say in church. You are allowed to repeat yourself, to contradict yourself and to stop halfway. What the Psalms do not do is pretend. They bring the whole heart, including its complaints, into God’s presence.

When what you cannot say is a confession

Sometimes the difficulty is not prayer in general but one particular thing that you cannot bring yourself to name. The shame is so strong that the words stick.

Writing often helps. There is something about seeing a sentence on a page that makes it both real and bearable. The private writing space on this site exists for exactly that: write the sentence you cannot say aloud, and let the companion point you to what Scripture promises. Nothing you write there is read by people, and conversations are automatically deleted within a day. Then, having written it, say it to God, even in a whisper.

When silence is all you have

There will be times when you sit down to pray and nothing comes at all. You can still stay. Sitting quietly before God, aware that he is there even when you cannot feel it, is itself an act of faith. Romans 8 promises that the Spirit prays in you when you cannot pray. Your silence is not empty to him.

If the silence is part of a wider darkness, however, pay attention to it. If you have felt low for a long time, if nothing gives you any pleasure, or if you have had thoughts of harming yourself or ending your life, please speak to a doctor and to someone you trust, and if you are in danger now, contact a crisis line: in the US or Canada call or text 988, in the UK and Ireland call Samaritans on 116 123, in Australia call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or find a local service at https://findahelpline.com. Asking for that help is not a lack of faith.

Where Christians differ

Christians differ on the place of written prayers. Catholic, Orthodox, Anglican and Lutheran churches treasure set prayers and liturgy, seeing them as a school of prayer and a way to pray with the whole church. Many free-church Protestants prefer spontaneous prayer, valuing its directness. Both approaches have deep roots in Scripture, and most believers find they need both. Some Pentecostal and charismatic Christians also connect the Spirit’s groaning in Romans 8 with praying in tongues; most other Christians understand it as the Spirit’s hidden work within the believer.

A place to begin

Before you close this page, try it. Say to God, silently or aloud, one true sentence. If you want a shape to follow, the guide on how to confess to God, plainly offers one. Then keep going tomorrow, with a psalm and a few honest words, and on Sunday, go and pray with other believers in a church. Prayer grows the way most things grow: slowly, and by being done.